Do It Afraid!

Of all of the many phobias out there, they say public speaking is one of the most common fears people have. Ok, I don’t know who “they” are, and I’m too lazy to look up a reference, but let’s just agree that “they” are pretty smart. Public speaking is terrifying! Some people are great at it, gifted even, and are energized when they get a chance to share in front of a large group. I am not one of those people.

Fortunately, most jobs do not require people to speak in front of large audiences. But, a few times a year, my job overseeing Growth Groups at Great Lakes Church requires that I do. I share for about 60 long seconds at the end of our 101 (Membership) Class. I also speak for about 45 minutes at our Growth Group Training class. Knowing I’ll have an audience of about 30, I always get a little nervous. But before our most recent training this week, I was overwhelmed with greater levels of insecurity and anxiousness than I’ve experienced in a long time! I was having vivid nightmares for a week leading up to the class.

In each dream I was late to the training. People were laughing at me. The training books were missing pages and had a ton of typos. Then people would get up and leave right in the middle of the class, completely mocking me. By the end of the class, not one person went on to lead or host a group and it was all my fault! Maybe your nightmares are scarier with “real danger” of people chasing you with guns or something, but I could not shake the way these dreams were making me feel. I talked to Tony about them and he laughed with/at me, but also assured me that Growth Group Training would be just fine. He had every confidence in me, I just had no confidence in myself.

I reached out to a couple of friends and asked them to pray for me. My biggest fear at this point was that I would have those dreams so stuck in my head that I would make them a reality. I would say the wrong thing. I would be boring and confusing. I would be unprepared and it would be obvious! Dreadful! One of my friends, while praying for me and encouraging me, shared with me this little gem:

“Even when you’re afraid, do it afraid!”

I’d never heard it put quite like that before. You mean, it is possible to still do something while being afraid? I don’t have to conquer the fear first? It sounded so simple, but it meant everything to me. Do it afraid!



I went on to read and re-read my notes, prayed and tried to relax, and finally I showed up to the training. We had more people attend this training class than ever before, which did not help my nerves. I originally asked our hosts to open their home for a group of about 30, and 58 showed up!


I was about to speak to 58 people and share with them my passion for groups. I was going to do my best to equip them with what they needed to know to successfully run their own groups. I needed to get their attention and hold it long enough that they would actually walk away with something new. How was I going to do all of that while still being me, afraid and insecure?



In the end, people squeezed into this house, nobody openly mocked me or walked out in the middle of training. I did stumble over my words a few times and even said the wrong name of the church which got a unanimous and loud “OOOHHHHHH”... And, in fact, one person was missing pages out of their book.


Still, people were gracious and understanding when we ran out of chairs. They played along with my silly games, engaged in conversation with one another, and by the time the night was over dozens of people shared with me their excitement in taking this next step to lead or host their own groups.



Going into this new season of Growth Groups, these 58 people are likely doing something they’ve never done before. I know it is very possible that they are nervous and maybe even feeling inadequate. Many others are leading groups they’ve never led like mission groups and study groups. There is always risk involved in moving into new territory like this. So, I’ll pass on to all of you the best advice I was given all week.

Even when you’re afraid, do it afraid.

Let us Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
– Isaiah 41:10

God is with us and will continue to be with us as we stretch ourselves to be used by him for the sake of others. We can’t let that fear take over and rob us from these adventurous days!

Human Hearts

I get home sick. Though I grew up in El Paso, Texas until I was thirteen, I actually get homesick for Seattle. I wake up sometimes and feel like going to get a coffee near Juanita Beach, or driving across the 520 bridge and back – yes, even in traffic – just for the incredible view. Though the internet helps me feel connected to friends and family and life there in Washington, I still get that far away feeling once in a while.



Home sickness is not a condition that is easily treated. I found nothing for it on Web MD or Mayo Clinic’s website. I have prayed about it, only to be reminded of what Jesus says in the book of Luke:

“If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison – your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters – yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.”

I suppose, since Jesus gave up his own life, I can give up some time with my friends and family… I suppose…

I think part of the weariness comes from not really feeling “called” or “qualified” to do this kind of work. I mean, who on earth ever would have thought I would be involved in launching a new church in the Mid-West? Certainly not me. I never even finished college, let alone one minute of seminary training. But, again, God is faithful to answer me using Scripture. I’ve been reading in 2 Corinthians and mulling over one section in particular. The apostle Paul is writing to the church in Corinth talking about this very idea of being qualified. He says:

“Are we like others, who need to bring you letters of recommendation, or who ask you to write such letters on their behalf? Surely not! The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This ‘letter’ is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.”

So, rather than share my version of what God is doing here in Kenosha, I’ll let another young lady speak for herself. This is Brittany’s story…


About a year ago, I made the first time decision to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. Growing up, I never had much exposure to religion, going to church, I didn't know the first thing about the Bible, or the difference between God and Jesus Christ (Truthfully, I didn't even know there was a difference). My cousins started talking to me about Great Lakes Church, for those who hate church. Intrigued, I decided to give it a try one Sunday last summer and it will remain one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Weeks went on and while I started to attend regularly, made the first time decision, I knew something was missing in my life, the pieces of the puzzle hadn't quite added up. That Fall, I went through a difficult time. The only way to truly describe the second half of 2009 is feelings of complete loneliness. Although I was surrounded by people, I've honestly never felt so separated from the rest of the world. This was all going on around the same time that I started attending church. I started learning more and became completely captivated by the idea that there's someone, with more power than any of the people I was letting control my emotions, that would love me unconditionally regardless of my story, what I've been through, or the decisions I've made. In October, I decided after several months of learning the Word that I would get baptized.



It was time for me to really begin this journey I was on and expand my faith and not be afraid to let this wall, that I've put up with everyone, down and simply, grow. Since I started attending Great Lakes Church, I've served on multiple teams and I'm currently apart of my second Growth Group. During my first Growth Group, the leaders and members of the group made a permanent mark in my heart and helped me learn and expand so much. Being that it was a class especially designed for first-time Christians, I learned about the first right steps and I couldn't be more grateful that that class was my first one.

Next week, myself and several other individuals will be traveling to Virginia to help a previous GLC member launch a new church and I could not be more excited about this. I know that there are several other individuals who are in the stage I was in just one year ago, lost and completely caught up with the wrong perspective on the ways things are vs. the way they should be. When the doors open for that church, I pray that at least one person out there will take a chance like I did because it's the best one I could have taken.

I still struggle with sin and know that I'm nowhere near the point in my faith that I have the potential to be, but I have found a community of people who understand and accept me for where I am and this is something I always thought I had to strive for in the past and now it comes effortlessly. I believe the reason it took 20 years for me to become a Christian is just the way that God works with everything and everyone. Nothing happens over night, I wouldn't have understood or appreciated church or God for that matter at any other point in my life because I was too stubborn and thought I was the only person in control. I realize now, we weren't put on this earth to walk through life alone and as long as I believe in God, I'll never be alone again.


The trip to help launch a new church in Virginia that Brittany is talking about is being led by a guy named Jason. Jason has a story of his own… Watch this video for a glimpse…



Want a peek at the church they are traveling to help launch? Scott Obenchain and his family were members at Great Lakes Church just a few short months ago. Check out his Pastor’s Welcome Video that Tony helped create…




I think about Great Lakes Church and am refreshed. I don’t want to imagine how empty my life might feel if I didn’t have the opportunity to be a part of what God is doing here in Kenosha. I am thankful for these tablets of human hearts and the difference they are making in the lives of those around them. It helps me remember that my true home is not a place. My true home is found in my relationship with God.

P.S. Yes, both of those videos, and many many others, were shot in our living room. Who needs a studio?

Church for the Rest of Us - Launch in Kansas

Over a year ago, when Tony and I first went public with our decision to move from Seattle to Kenosha to help Pastor Dave Nelson start a church in his home town, a couple of our friends, Matt & Emily, asked if they could take us to dinner. It was great to see them and catch up, they asked a lot of questions about our decision. Then, the real reason they wanted to hang out came forward… They, too, were in the midst of deciding to move back to their home town, Lawrence, Kansas, to launch a new church. Tony and I were beyond thrilled!

While we were leaving in just a few short weeks, their plan was a little further out. In the book of Proverbs (19:2) it says, “It is not good to have zeal without knowledge nor to be hasty and miss the way.” It’s one of those verses I get stuck in my head when I’m trying to make a decision and I thought it was smart that their plan was a year out.

That year is up. EastLake Community Church in Lawrence, KS just had their very first service this past weekend on October 11th. EastLake Lawrence, just like Great Lakes, is a church plant from EastLake near Seattle with a focus on reaching people who don't like going to church. They play loud music and have short services and open their doors to anyone who wants to kick the tires of Christianity.




Tony and I had the privilege of making the trip to help and brought with us a team of 11 others as Great Lakes Church first mission trip! A couple of months ago, when the idea of the trip occurred to us, we knew we wanted to send a team of like minded people down to help out... remembering how hectic our first preview was, we knew that this was going to be a big moment for EastLake and that they could take all the help they could get. Our team was AWESOME! Most of us worked in the Kids areas, so those people never got to even see the service. I love the servant hearts of the people from Kenosha, and this team of people only reinforced that mindset. We helped as their new equipment came in Saturday night with a practice setup (which became the official Sunday morning setup) and had a semi-impromptu worship night. We were also able to take a little time to ourselves and just be with and share meals with each other... getting to know each other better in an "away from Sunday morning" way.



We had an incredible time being a part of what God is doing in yet another part of the country – launching a church whose goal is to reach people in Lawrence who have no interest in God or church, people who have been burned by past church experiences, people who struggle to be who God created them to be in the confines of traditional religion. It only reinforced for us why we moved to Wisconsin in the first place and refreshed our vision for this community.



All in all, it was a great weekend. About 130 were there for this first preview service, including kids and volunteers. That's a phenomenal start, and if the opportunity arises again to participate in helping a church launch, you can bet that Great Lakes will be there to help out.



Special thanks to the GLC team for taking time off of work, paying their own way there and back, working hard with big smiles, and being a constant blessing to their hosts and those they encountered in Lawrence:

Brenda Cruickshank
Nate & Emily Fell
Devonee & Addyson Harshburger
Hoover, Mary, Andy, & Marky Mercado
Tyler & Mary Sweeney

Growing Up...

This is officially our last week in Kirkland, for a while anyway. The shipping company came and picked up Tony’s Bronco today and then we had a great little “Good Bye” get together with some of Tony’s family this evening. It is definitely feeling very final at this point. There are still quite a few details to figure out, and there is a ton on our minds. For instance…

Have you heard this one before: “If He calls you, He’ll equip you”? This phrase has brought me much comfort and strength in the past. I mean, it seems logical, reasonable, and definitely encouraging. There are plenty of stories in the Bible of God asking people to do something that seemed impossible, and then He provided a way for them to do it, strength to get through it. I believe it’s even happened in my life where I felt God was asking, urging me to do something that I never thought I could do. Then, when I stepped out to actually do it, I found I had more strength than I could have mustered on my own… that the Holy Spirit was with me to help me accomplish something that seemed impossible. I’m not talking about lifting a burning mini-van up off of a trapped baby. I talking more about forgiving someone I never thought I could or would forgive. I knew it was something God wanted me to do, never thought I could or would do it, and then with His help I did.

If He calls you, He’ll equip you…

Do you think the opposite is true? If He doesn’t call you, will He not equip you? If you haven’t read our last dilemma about calling, you might want to check it out. I am still thinking and praying about it. Now I’m wondering about this "call you-equip you" saying. I call it a “saying” rather than a verse because I couldn’t actually find this in the Bible. I know there are a ton of you out there who are more scholarly than me (or is it, I?), so if you know where to find this saying as an actual Bible verse, I would love the help. But, since I can’t find it, it makes me wonder if it is really in a list of clichés we’ve made up. You know the ones I’m talking about…
Cleanliness is next to Godliness
God provides for those, who provide for themselves
The higher the hair, the closer to God

So, I’ve been wondering… if He didn’t call us… is there a reason He hasn’t actually asked us to help launch Great Lakes Church? I mean, are we these people who volunteer to do something we think is a good idea, but really… maybe it isn’t? Are we these people who give your four year old daughter a puppy, because we know she’ll love it, and because we love her, and somehow we can’t see past our noses to realize we have just cursed your house (and your carpet) rather than blessed you?

You see, having desired to follow Jesus Christ for the past 7 years, I have had my fair share of experiences with obedience. I learned early on that obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). I also, for all of my life, have known what it is to disobey or live in rebellion. I am familiar with guilt and shame, and I am familiar with the joy that comes from doing what I know I should do. But, this Great Lakes Church thing, as we’ve said before, is not an obedience thing. It’s something else…

As kids, we rarely did anything we did not want to do without being asked. There were plenty of times I knew my room was a mess, but didn’t even consider cleaning it up until I was told to do it. Oh, and if I was told to do it, and then didn’t do it… yep, disobedience. Disobedience = BIG TROUBLE! But that’s normal, right? Nobody expects a child to clean up without being asked. It’s a precious little miracle if they do.

I knew a woman once who, when dating a guy, would occasionally take him to a jewelry store. She’d show him the things she liked, try them on with him there, talk about what she wanted him to get for her. (I know, not my idea of a good date.) Then, in a matter of weeks, or the next time there was some sort of gift giving occasion, she would receive in a pretty box the very piece of jewelry she’d shown him. How lovely, right? A guy who would do what he was told?

... Hmm… Would you like to pause and raise an eyebrow with me? If you’re thinking what I’m thinking… Wouldn’t it have been better if he’d thought of the gift all on his own? Wouldn’t it mean more, and wouldn’t she maybe feel more loved, if he’d decided that he wanted to get her something special and then he went, like a big boy, and picked it out himself? It’s like she never even gave the guy a chance! Or maybe she thought if she left it up to him, he wouldn’t show her love the way she wanted.

So, we know we are not going to help launch Great Lakes Church because God specifically asked us. At first that thought is quite scary. We wondered, and still do sometimes, if God will really provide for us, equip us, since he didn’t actually ask us to do this. (We’re not giving the kid a puppy, are we?) But now, it’s getting kind of exciting. It’s this feeling that maybe we’re not kids anymore, kids that can really only respond with obedience or disobedience. Maybe we’re growing up just a little bit, and learning to love God in a new way. It’s exciting to think we have this opportunity to do what we can, not because we were asked, but simply because we love God and we want to give Him something of ourselves. Our Father has always taken the initiative toward us. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). He has pursued us, initiated the relationship, forgiven when we did not deserve. We know we cannot out-love Him. But, I wonder if maybe he hasn’t given us that assurance of a specific calling or conviction in order to give us room, give us a chance, to pursue Him and give all we can just because we want to.


Maybe this is our opportunity to truly love Him back.

“Thank You” feels like a cliché

I don’t deserve the generosity I’ve received. There have been so many amazing people in my life… so many events that I can recall feeling unworthy of. These things I’m talking about outweigh any amount of thanks or appreciation I can dish, and that makes me concerned that I’ll never be able to totally repay the people who have blessed me. Michelle and I would spend the rest of our lives writing thank you notes, giving hugs, inviting people to dinner, and still wouldn’t come close to expressing our gratitude.

I won’t bore you with some lengthy acceptance speech, but I do need to tell you about a few moments in the last month or so that have taken my breath away.

I won’t use any names… but you know who you are… and you’ve made a difference. Thank you.

First off… we’re moving… everything we have… across the country… somewhere we’ve never been… and it’s going to cost money to do it. I have a job lined up when I get there, but Michelle doesn’t quite yet. Right when concerns for our finances start to arise, we receive a couple of cards from some friends of ours with checks totaling over $1000! We didn’t ask for it… we never would have… but it’s an answered prayer before we got around to praying about it.

Next… Michelle has a great idea and thinks that we can raise a little money and shed a few moving pounds by having a “Kenosha or Bust” moving sale. I'm thankful for the friends that helped us put it all together. It also was great to see so many familiar faces. I’m thinking the max we should see out of this is $500. Michelle says that if we could hit the $1000 mark, it would truly be God behind it, and I agreed. Well, through the generosity of some of our close friends (having donated 95% of the items we sold that day) we ended up counting $2300 at the end of the sale! Let me explain a little further… we sold stuff that DID NOT BELONG TO US! Not only so, but there was a couple we had met just once who heard our story and delivered incredible furniture and items to support our efforts. Generosity… undeserved.

This next one is pretty close to my heart.

Since I started playing guitar, I have always dreamed of the day I would own a Larrivee acoustic guitar. I would watch ebay and wait to see if one would reach a price that I might be able to afford, but that never happened. Once, I took my entire tax refund and found a Larrivee that I could afford, so I drove out to the sellers house to play it. He was reluctant to part with it, so I told him I’d give him some time to think about it. My car broke down right after that and I couldn’t afford it anymore. I hope you’re getting that this is my DREAM guitar… something that is almost unreal to me. So, just this past Sunday, we had a little get together with some friends from church. A friend of mine who I’ve known for less than a year walks in and walks straight up to me. He says “Hey man, you forgot your guitar at church” and puts his Larrivee in my hands. That is… by far… the most amazing gift I have ever received. I’m not saying that simply cuz it was an expensive guitar, it’s so much more than that. What’s more, Great Lakes Church doesn’t own an acoustic guitar and I would need to go find an affordable solution… but now I can start this band off with the right tools. There are over a dozen more ways why this instrument is perfect for my needs right now… so if you wanna geek out with me, ask me the next time you see me. Or, if you’re curious to get inside my head, you can spend 10 minutes to download THIS video from their site, and about 20 minutes watching it. I am still amazed by this gift. Great Lakes is gonna ROCK!

Along with an iPod fully loaded (which we’ll need for Great Lakes services), an inflatable bed (which we were already going to buy for our week on the road), money, prayers, opportunities to work and earn more, stories, time, discounted rent, help, and words of encouragement, I think I finally understand what Michelle means when she says “I am definitely God’s favorite”. There is a point at which we just begin to feel spoiled. We know that God’s resources are unending, it is so humbling to be on the receiving end.

It has been our desire to practice generosity. We often “joke” with our friends when we go to dinner or coffee… “We’ll take care of it, we’re rich. Don’t worry about it!” We joke, but we also have believed it. Not that we earn more money, necessarily, than anyone else we know. But, we have recognized that God is our provider and as we share what we have and bless others, we’ll be fine. At this point, friends, neighbors, strangers… they’ve all out done us. They remind us that God’s people are generous, and more than that, He is generous.

2 Corinthians 9:6-11
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:
"He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever. Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

So, we thank God for you.

The Problem of Calling...

We find ourselves in an interesting place in time and geography. Tony and I are moving to Kenosha, Wisconsin to help launch Great Lakes Church with Pastor Dave Nelson and his family. This will be the first true daughter of our home EastLake Community Church. We made the decision in a matter of just a few days and now it's all set, everything else is just details.


The responses we've received since making this decision have been amazing. Some people are sad we're going, which is nice. Some are excited we're leaving to do this ... which is also nice? The one thing that we commonly hear is something along the lines of this: "It's so exciting that you are obeying your calling and stepping out in faith to do this!"

There have been times in my life when those around me would say, "I'm called to the ministry", or "I've been called to lead men", or "I am NOT called to children's ministry, so I can't help there", or "You should ask God what He is calling you to do, then do it." I began to believe that everyone had a very specific "calling" and that my life in Christ wouldn't probably begin until I found out what mine was. There were also times that I thought I must not be that good of friends with Jesus, since He hasn't "called" me.

None the less, He did call me out of darkness (John 8:12). He did call me to love Him and love people (Matthew 22: 36-40). He did call me to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep myself from being polluted by the world (James 1:27). He called me to lose my life, my preferences, my possessions, that I might find my life in Him (Mark 8:34-36). He called us all to pray that workers would be sent out to reach people (Matthew 9:35-38).

The thing that seems so great about a calling is that it can give you purpose and direction. If I knew I were called to missions in China, I might be more motivated to learn to speak Chinese, make connections with others going to China, pray that God would help me see how I would accomplish all of this. There is something comforting about that calling. You know why you are doing what you're doing, it's because you've been called. It could even be something you were created or meant for. In a way, the planner/preparer/organizer in me envies those who are called.

I don't know about you, but it is very rare that I have ever felt like God said something very specific to me. Along with the rarity, it has happened that I have heard God, but misunderstood the meaning behind what I thought I heard. The danger there is that if I wouldn't recognize that the misunderstanding was mine, I might think God had lied to me. I don't think I have ever called God a liar, but I have asked Him if He's tricked me...

And then I get another email: "We are so proud of you for being obedient to what God has called you and Tony to do." So, I generically respond, "Thank you". But, what I want to say is this...
Dear Loving Friend,
Here's the thing... We prayed about it, we asked God for clarity on whether we should go or stay, and neither of us got any clarity about it. We're pretty sure we are not "called" to go to Kenosha to help plant a church. We both, separately and together, got the sense that God loves us and would not be disappointed whether we stayed in Kirkland or gave up everything to move to Kenosha. Tony and I believe we have complete freedom and choice in this situation. Neither of us have any conviction or nagging in our hearts about this being an issue of obedience or disobedience. Yet, somehow, we've decided to go. I hope you'll still be proud of us.
Love always,
The Petersons

So, as much as I wish we were called to do this, I am finding meaning in that we are not. The problem of calling is this: If you don't hear it or you misunderstand what you think you hear, you may never step out to try anything at all. If you are only doing what you are called to do, how very many opportunities you may miss to fill a need and do something great.